Gnome's Revenge!

Ozark Valley: Branson, Missouri

The school year is about to start! Of course, a trip to the mall is an absolute must as teens search for that perfect outfit and accessories.

Like my best friend Kerry, parents are scrambling with last minute emergencies. I think Kerry does a grand job. She hands her daughter a visa debit card with a certain amount on it then takes Angela and her friends to the mall of the girl's choice.

Let me back up, before I tell you Angela's grand adventure, um catastrophe. - Yes, for a sixteen year old, it was a horrifying catastrophe! - You need a smidgen of background.

Angela is a vampire. She doesn’t act it, but she is gorgeous with hip-length white-blond hair and a body any movie star would kill for. She loves people. Her dark blue eyes literally sparkle when she meets a new person. As a side note, she handled the Sasquatch attack over last weekend tremendously well, much better than I did.

Anyway, she has never met a person she didn't like. She trusts everyone and lives life in a very carefree way. She'll try anything once. Her attitude is jump first, look afterwards because if you look first, you might not jump.

Poor girl might re-think jumping before looking next time.

Kerry took Angela and three of her friends to Oakland Mall in Branson, Missouri within Ozark Valley. Ozark Valley is predominately an elvish valley. The remaining twenty-five percent of the population is a mixed potpourri with vampires, dragons, fairies, and gnomes.

Oakland Mall is humongous. I mean it puts The Mall of America in the mundane world to shame. Three levels below ground and four upper levels above ground sprawl across an entire square mile. It has four motels, hundreds of restaurants and kiosks, an inside carnival, a water park that has tube rides going down the length of the mall and back, three movie theatres, a paint ball range, wyvern rides on the roof, putt-putt golf, half dozen arcades, a gateway terminal connecting dozens of valleys, and an uncountable number of retail outlets.

A family could spend their entire vacation at Oakland. The mall is a neutral spot where people from every valley are welcome to visit, no matter their race or political affiliation, without fear of attack. The mall guards deal with any attack swiftly and with severe penalties, including missing body parts, a silver collar, and hung by culprit's ankles in the courtyard.

Back to the story!

Angela's first mistake was visiting Maurice's Fairy Emporium.

Maurice's is a chain of fairy owned retail shops that carry a wide variety of beauty products, anything and everything imaginable is available. Do you want to have natural blue blushing cheeks, pink eyelashes, or glow-in-the-dark skin? Visit Maurice's and you'll find a fairy made product that will do exactly what you want.

Wait! That 'wait' is a major warning. Please, be sure to read the fine print on every single container even if they look identical.

Angela walked into Maurice's, exclaiming it was an awesome store. Never one to mix words, she voiced her disappointment when the clerk was a gnome and not a fairy like all the T.V. ads showed.

Well, that went over like a ton of bricks.

She told the shop clerk, a wrinkly faced gnome, she wanted to dye her hair to match the school colors. She's the newest member of the cheerleading team and wanted to make a great impression. Her words, not mine.

However, I'm sure she meant a great impression on the male half of the school body.

Her idea was actually great. She wanted a dye that she could wash in and then rinse out after each game. Too bad, she made the little gnome mad at her.

After she bought the dye, Angela and her cohorts went straight to the bathroom. The silver dye was a foam formula that rubbed into dry hair. The additional blue streaks were to be combed into the hair within five minutes of applying the base color.

Never trust a gnome that you've made angry. They are vindictive little people with a heart of mischief, a very dangerous combination.

The fine print on the bottle stated that the dry foam, unlike the liquid that had to be rinsed, was not to be used on a vampire.

They didn't read the instructions, covering Angela's hair in dry foam and rubbing it in.

At first, her scalp tingled.

Her friends added an inch-wide blue streak that curled around her face.

The tingling sensation began to itch.

Her hair turned silver, the streak of vivid blue intensified the color of her eyes. Looking in the mirror, she tentatively touched her hair in awe.

She grinned, eagerly combing her fingers through the silky strands. A huge chunk of hair came out! Paralyzed, she watched as the shiny silver strands slid through her fingers and floated to the floor.

Angela shrieked louder than a Sasquatch on a hunt.

Her friends jumped back as if she was contagious and stared in mounting horror.

Angela smoothed her hands over her head as if trying to keep it in place. Swaths of hair fell out. Suddenly, all at once, her remaining hair fell out. She stood, jaw dropped staring at her utterly baldhead in the mirror.

By the time her mom arrived, the other girls had gone after the gnome leaving Angela hiding in a bathroom stall. The gnome had disappeared without a trace. 

Until next time - Jodie B. Cooper

http://sidhinews.blogspot.com/

Sídhí History IV

Sídhí: The home world

I'll apologize right now Sídhí History IV is extremely boring. This will be the final part of the Sídhí History series unless I'm requested to write more.

It took years, but eventually the synth crystal spread out like veins under the crust of the land, creating springs and underground streams. Each Spring of Crystal was unique; it absorbed characteristics from its surrounding environment.

I've seen copies of the Last Scientist's diary or 'scientific journal.' He never realized the synth crystal would absorb the elements surrounding it, changing each Crystal Spring in the tiniest way. He didn't know these tiny changes would create dozens of different races once people became infected with synth crystal.

Essentially, every Crystal Spring Changed the people within a specific geographic location creating a wide variety of synth enhanced races across the face of Sídhí.

The Elfhiem Empire - The eyes of the elves changed, not in shape, but in color. The iris grew until nearly no white showed and the pupil became larger. Their ears grew more pointed and a bit taller, becoming very sensitive to physical touch. An elf is marginally faster than most other races.

The Northern VamPyre - The vampires became walking weapons with fingernails that extended into bear-like claws. The slightly pointed canine teeth became retractable fangs. They now had the ability to suck blood. Vampires who lived primarily on blood had solid blood red eyes in direct sunshine. Those who ate solid foods had solid black eyes in direct sun.

The bite of a vampire has three outcomes. First, a simple bite that sucked blood from the victim. Second, a bite that injected venom into the victim and Changed that person into a vampire. Third, a bite between mates that injected a sexual stimulant into the mate's bloodstream.

The Shifting Highlands - The amber eyes of a shifter changed into various colors depending on the sub-race. The eyes of a shifter either glow or change color when emotions run high. Shifters received the ability to change their shape into a specific animal, growing stronger as they aged. Dragon, khatts, and werewolves are among the known sub-races.

The Atlantis Continent - The people of Atlantis had the widest changes and were not uniform at all. Called Fairy as a race, they have five castes: Royal, Warrior, Merchant, Artist, and Common. Among those castes are numerous sub-races including nymphs, sirens, & pixies.

Gnome Grotto - The eyes of a gnome became a uniform pale yellow. They have short, fuzzy red hair. The tallest among them are no taller than four feet. They are very slender with wrinkly faces, like a Shar Pei puppy.

The people of Sídhí have seven senses: sight, smell, taste, hearing, touch, telepathy, and instinct. The strength of each sense varies widely between the races.

Of course, there are also many anomalies, including teleportation. Several races can teleport including vampires and dragons.

This is not a complete listing of races or abilities that would be impossible for a simple mundane like myself to record.

Until next time - Jodie B. Cooper

http://sidhinews.blogspot.com/

Sasquatch Attack!

Clan Valley: Lake Eufaula, Oklahoma

Would someone please tell me how one dog can cause so much chaos? Honestly, I can't very well wring his neck for nearly getting me killed. Can I?

When I take a trip, my German shepherd, Chief, goes with me. He loves it when I visit friends in Clan Valley.

A group of us met at Mordecai's Sasquatch Ranch on Lake Eufaula. It's one of our all-time favorite destinations. With cabins, jet skis, boats, grills, horses, wyvern… well, you get the idea. They have everything for a fun getaway.

Well, last night we started the long weekend with a swim in the lake and a cookout. Yes, it is hot, but we purchased a gallon of cooling charm. A cooling charm must be used under a roof or a tree, something that provides shade. You see, a cooling charm is fairy made. It comes in quart and gallon sized. Simply spray the liquid on the ground and on the ceiling (or tree) and ta-da the area drops by twenty degrees! I love it!

Anyway, Chief and Pumpkin (Kerry's Pomeranian) were running around the camp site causing more racket than ten marching bands. I finally bribed Kerry's daughter, Angela, to take them for a walk.

No harm, no foul… I thought.

Mordecai's Ranch raises Sasquatch or Big Foot as many of my mundane readers call them. Sasquatch hate being teased and they remember everything. I mean, I tossed Big Tom (a Sasquatch stud) a chunk of meat three years ago and didn’t feed the Sasquatch in the pen next to him.

Gorman remembered! (Gorman was the Sasquatch in the pen next to Big Tom) Every time I visit Mordecai's, Gorman starts howling at me. It doesn't matter that I've fed him since that first encounter; he refuses to come near anything I feed him.

Where was I? Oh, right! Sasquatch are vindictive wretched monsters!

The water troughs in the Sasquatch pens are built four feet off the ground with a permanent high-powered cooling charm painted on them. The high-powered charm drops the water temperature and the area beneath the trough by thirty degrees!

To stay cool, Gorman had crawled under his water trough, leaning his back against the fence, ignoring the people watching him.

I really love my dog, but I could kill him right about now. Chief wiggled under the first security fence, sneaking up behind Gorman as if the Sasquatch was a rabbit, not a freaking huge monster.

Pumpkin, the teeny-tiny Pomeranian followed.

How they both remained silent is beyond my understanding; they are never quiet. They stood a foot behind the nine-foot creature and barked. Loudly.

:Sigh: I'm not sure Mordecai will ever let Chief visit again.

Gorman shot straight up, plowing into the underside of the metal water trough. The trough flew up and straight back down, smacking Gorman a second time on the top of the head.

The dogs barked madly.

Angela screamed for help.

The Sasquatch on either side of Gorman's pen howled and pointed at Gorman, giving the equivalent of a Sasquatch laugh.

Gorman shrieked in fury!

Continued.

Until next time - Jodie B. Cooper

http://sidhinews.blogspot.com/

Atlantis Report on Kraken Nets Threat!

Broken Arrow, Oklahoma: Earth

Well! The very small news clip I wrote about the theft of kraken eggs from Atlantis Valley brought me a little bit of unwanted attention.

The Khr'Vurr, a terrorist organization based in Dragon Valley, sent me a present. Yes, I know, Guardian Alexander did warn me not to agitate them. (See news reports July 18 & 19)

This morning I opened my front door and found a dead skrivett - a nasty soccer ball sized rodent covered in leaky pus that smelled like warmed-up sewer - hanging ten feet above the ground in an old oak tree. The Khr'Vurr hung it with an Old Western type noose and wrapped my favorite blue scarf around its hind leg.

The nerve! What were they thinking! I live on Earth. Hello? What if a mundane had seen their little gift?

Honestly, I still don't know how they managed to sneak into my house and steal my scarf. I can't believe Chief, my three-year-old German Shepherd, didn't go nuts. He barks when the crape myrtle brushes the window.

I'll never look at scarves the same way again.

Let me tell you what they wrote on the note.

They didn't give me a dire threat like, “Stay out of our business or we'll kill you.” No, I think I hit a nerve with yesterday's news clip. The note said, “Only a certified idiot would stick her nose where it wasn't wanted. Your Loving Readers, The Khr'Vurr."

Well, I have no doubt in my mind that note proves the Khr'Vurr stole those kraken eggs. I called Guardian Alexander to tell him my theory. Do you know what his response was?

He hung up on me!

Moronic idiots, I'm surrounded by them!

On to a happy note, I received a request from a reader! I'm so excited! In the letter, Miss Clara Burnstien longtime resident of Stigler, Oklahoma (Earth) and a Land Fairy pointed out that many of my readers are mundane. Of course, I already knew this, but she went on to say my readers might want to hear about Sídhí's history. Well, not simply history, but how the dozens of Sídhí races came into being.

She said, "…the few mundanes the Council allows to know about Sídhí are sure to be curious about our origins. And while you're telling them about the Ancient Ones and how they nearly destroyed us be sure to tell them a few of our beloved stories."

I wasn't quite sure what she meant by 'beloved stories' and I wasn't going to ask. The woman talks faster than a speeding bullet. I got in about three words during our hour long phone call."

I think she meant mundanes would like to hear small stories about special people sprinkled through Sídhí history. Yeah, like I'm an expert on Sídhí history. Whatever, I'll do my best.

Until next time - Jodie B. Cooper

http://sidhinews.blogspot.com/

Raphael Thumped me today!

For my mundane followers, Thumper is the Sídhí equivalent of Twitter.

Raphael has over fifteen million followers on Thumper and he follows less than five hundred. His music tours have been known to cause riots when sold out and people couldn't buy a ticket.

Yes, that Raphael! Guess what? He followed me!

Squee!!!! To say I'm excited is the understatement of the year! To have someone like Raphael follow me on Thumper is unbelievable!

Last year alone, Raphael won fourteen Crystal Awards for his awesome singing and song writing ability. The trophy for the award is rumored to cost one million dollars each. (Clan Valley uses the same type of monetary system as the U.S. It keeps down confusion since Clan Valley's second dimensional footprint sits over part of the U.S.)

The trophy is five intertwined ribbons of synth crystal and stands eight inches high. Master Artist Theodus Grimson, a two-thousand year old Vas Fairy in the artist caste, creates each trophy. Need I say the Crystal Award is the most coveted of all music awards?

Now, can you understand why I'm so excited? At only nineteen, he was named one of the top ten bachelors in all the valleys combined.

Even if he didn't have the most incredible set of lungs on him, his 'oh so perfect' face would have sky rocketed him into instant stardom. Three inches over six feet, he towers over his band. Jet-black hair down to his shoulder blades and slate gray eyes that have electric blue sparks in them when he sings.

His eyes alone announce his fairy genetics. As a siren, he is a member of the warrior caste. A siren's ability, or their voice, is rated on a scale from one to ten with a special designation stating the 'type' of voice. Anything from mind shattering screams to enthralling song can come from various sirens. I've heard Raphael rates a ten and his designation is unknown.

His PR representative, Kayla, refuses to confirm or deny the rumor.

Sorry, I'm rambling but I'm still shaking.

His Thump to me said: Jodie, I've found my lifeMate! I'm over joyed!! Please help me spread the word. So here, I am spreading the word and a bit more.

I know he must be thrilled. Every Sídhí, no matter the race, only have a single lifeMate. They might wait thousands of years before finding their perfect mate, but it's worth the wait. Trust me a Sídhí couple who are bonded lifeMates will be a perfect union.

The synth crystal swimming in the blood of a Sídhí always places two compatible people together. It's part of their genetic make-up. Immortals are not complete without a bonded lifeMate. It’s why the synth finds the perfect mate for them.

When the crystal in a person’s blood sings for a person's lifeMate, it is literally love-at-first-sight. I've never heard of a lifeMate not instantly falling in love. Most lifeMates mentally bond as soon as their crystal sings.

A lifeBond between two mates allows them to feel the others emotions. Can you imagine knowing exactly how much someone loves you? It would be the most awesome feeling in the world.

There is a downside to finding a lifeMate. Not all lifeMates hear the synth in their blood sing at the same time. It must be agony knowing who your lifeMate is only to have them look at you as if you’re a complete stranger.

Until next time - Jodie B. Cooper

Angel Sighting in Celtic Valley

Inverness, Scotland: Celtic Valley

Meredith McNeil reported seeing an angel early Sunday morning. The event happened northwest of Inverness, Scotland in Celtic Valley, near Loch Glass.

Meredith didn't file an official report with Celtic guardians, complaining they didn't believe her the previous times. Yes, supposedly she has seen four angels in the last ten years, which must have set some kind of record.

The latest report split the small village, on the edge of Loch Glass, straight down the middle. The Faithful, as they call themselves, believe Meredith can see God's messengers. They believe she is touched. People drive hours, simply seeking her opinion.

On the opposite side of the argument stand the Disbelievers, a label given by the Faithful. They say Meredith, who happens to be a vampire, has become unhinged. It's always a possibility. She is after all over nine hundred years old and hasn't found her lifeMate.

The Disbelievers insist Meredith is nutty as a fruit bat high on nectar.

Now, hearing that phrase come out of a mouth with a thick Scottish burr kept me asking Martin Black to repeat himself, which he did. Bless him.

Martin, a dragon and Celtic Guardian, calls Loch Glass his home. He was kind enough to speak with me, at great length.

Meredith refused, quite loudly and rudely, to speak with me. I might add she sounded tipsy.

Martin actually has several interesting theories. First, he thinks Meredith is smoking too much wacky weed. However, he's never smelled it on her. His next theory is she might be seeing sunrays reflecting between the clouds and the loch.

I asked him, if he thought she might be trying to boost the local economy, as she owns the largest bed and breakfast in the village.

He didn't disagree with me, but his next words made the reporter in me sit up and listen.

Yes, you heard me correctly; I promptly forgot my theory of greed as he told me his third theory.

Martin thinks she might be seeing fairy.

The majority of fairies live within Atlantis Valley and they don't have wings. Well, most of them don't, but the highest of the warrior caste have wings. Warrior fairies are completely unpredictable, even among fairies they're given a wide berth.

Fairies are unusual among the Sídhí as they have a caste system. Essentially the fairy race is made up of dozens of sub-races. Each sub-race is contained within one of five castes: royal, warrior, merchant, artist, and common. As an example, a banshee is a mid-level warrior caste.

One sub-race within the top caste of the warrior fairies is the exception to the no-wings rule. From the pictures I've seen and the stories, I've heard they are perfect in every way.

Every one of them, male or female is drop dead gorgeous. Their wings aren't pure white. The single picture that sticks prominently in my mind is the oil painting, Wings by Maurice Swift. The background is a brilliant sunset over the ocean. The artist captured the man's shoulder muscles tightening as he flared his wings wide. Gorgeous golden skinned with wings the color of a late evening storm, dark gray with blue and silver etching.

The painting took my breath away the first time I laid eyes on it at the Royal Museum in Alberta, Canada in Elfhiem Valley.

Unfortunately, the near mythical race of warrior fairy has not been seen since Sídhí arrived on Earth some four thousand years ago.

History is a bit blurry on the subject of what happened to the highest of the fairy warrior caste.

I called the fairy's embassy in Celtic Valley, but I wasn't surprised when they refused to discuss the subject with me. The few fairies I've met are extremely rude to other races.

Until next time - Jodie B. Cooper

Accident at Wyvern Riding Academy

Great Falls, Montana: Khärston Valley

Wyvern Riding Academy, south of Great Falls, Montana in the Khärston Valley, reported a near fatal accident this morning.

For the Mundanes among us, wyvern are often confused with dragons. Dragons being a sentient race of people with the ability to change their form into that of a dragon. On the other hand, a wyvern is an animal approximately the size of a quarter horse with a twenty foot wing span. Most wyvern have been domesticated and are frequently used for sports and pleasure riding.

Several valleys have a contingent of search and rescue wyvern, comparable to a search and rescue dog used in natural disasters. Of course, there are several differences between the rescue animals. Wyvern conduct searches from the sky by sight and the trainer must be nearby as the wyvern frequently tries to eat the victim.

Anyway!

A group of third year academy students were playing Sky War, which involves fairy enhanced laser guns and paint, when someone shot one of the wyvern in the eye. The enhanced paint is equivalent to colorful slime and sticks to anything.

It's not clear who fired the original shot, but the damage was done. Red paint blinded the mount.

The dark brown female w/ black belly splotches swerved wildly and its wing smacked the tail of another wyvern, a rare blue with cream wing tips. Everyone knows how sensitive the snake-like tail of a wyvern is. Well, let me tell you, old blue let out a bellow. People heard him five miles away.

The blue went rogue, attacking anything that moved.

By the end of the Sky War, five wyvern sustained serious injures. Four students – who should have been wearing safety harnesses – fell from the sky.

School officials rushed healers to the downed riders. The students, two of whom were pre-pubs, nearly died from their injuries. I've been assured the healers arrived in time and none of the students sustained permanent damage.

The investigation is pending, but at this time there doesn't appear to be any malicious intent on any one's part.

Until next time ~ Jodie B. Cooper

Warning! Big Foot on the Loose in Oklahoma

Southeast Oklahoma, Earth

An all points warning has been issued to all Sídhí living in or near the Southeastern corner of Oklahoma. A Sasquatch, or Big Foot as they are called down South, is on the loose in the Mundane world.

If you see the creature, don't try and capture it. Call the Clan Guardians.

The nine foot animal is the same one stolen from Mordecai's Sasquatch Ranch a few days ago. Norman, the Sasquatch, is high dollar animal prized for his thick, dark brown fur and mild temperament. Well, mild for a Sasquatch. He's never ripped an arm or leg off any of his keepers. His stud fee is nearly seven thousand dollars.

I'm sure you're wondering how such an expensive animal was stolen.

Well, a couple of vampire teenagers stole the animal as a prank or so they insisted after they got caught. They said, there hadn't been a reliable Big Foot sighting on Earth in several years and wanted to correct the oversight.

I asked the teenagers if they thought they'd get caught.

Harvey Knix and Timmy Parnicus insisted they thought it would be a lot of fun to release a Sasquatch onto Earth, not thinking anyone would be hurt.

Effectively, not answering my question!

Honestly, I don't know why they did it, but they might rethink their next prank as they have been sentenced to wearing a silver collar for a three year term. If you ask me, it's a very mild sentence. I mean who knows what kind damage such a huge brute w/ four inch claws and a mouth full of thumb sized fangs will cause on Earth?

For those of my readers who aren't familiar with Sídhí genetics, wearing silver is a horrible punishment as it restricts a Sídhí's seven senses (Sídhí have seven senses, not five) and other gifts. As vampires, Harvey & Timmy will not be able to teleport or extend their claws until the collar is removed.

The collar is fairy made, which allows the nineteen year-old pranksters to pick a single sense that will not be impaired. Surprisingly, they both retained their ability to extend their fangs.

I say surprising as Clan vampires eat real food, they aren't bloodsuckers. Well, except for recreational purposes.

Of course, the type of recreational blood drinking a teenager would be involved in might answer why they wanted to keep their ability to suck blood. LOL

Gnomes & Stink Bombs

Clan Valley

Warning! If you have a weak stomach stop reading right now.

Clan Valley High School has canceled summer school.

I know, it sounds insane. Right? Half the summer semester is already over with so canceling summer school seemed very odd to me. I called around and found out the true reason.

With the influx of gnomes into Clan Valley the school board insisted all gnomes under the age of eighteen must attend school. For those of you who don't know, Clan Valley is primarily a vampire valley. The transition has not been easy for gnomes or vampires.

Well, the gnomes – generally speaking they are three-feet tall with wrinkly skin like a Shar Pei and have brilliant red fuzzy hair that's about an inch long – refused to comply with the mandate.

Everyone knows gnomes are notorious pranksters so their response shouldn't have surprised anyone.

Gnomes taped the official mandate to the school doors, marked 'no' across the paper in bold red ink, and then flushed a fairy made stink bomb down every commode on school property.

Mundanes have no clue how bad a fairy made stink bomb smells.

Honestly, fairies – especially those from the artist caste – can create just about anything by utilizing their talent to manipulate synth energy, including changing normal attributes of certain objects. Today, the object in question was super glue. What they did was 'scientifically' impossible, but you must remember we are talking about fairies. They tend to warp scientific theory out of shape until it's unrecognizable.

The stink bombs were comprised of super glue, cow manure, rabbit manure, and skrivett pus. (A skrivett is a pus covered rodent.) The compressed bomb went down the pipes and exploded, spreading chunks of manure through-out the entire sewage system. No, it did not dissolve.

When the synth enhanced super glue touched the interior plastic wall of the pipes, it activated and expanded, sticking cow manure and pebble sized rabbit pellets throughout the entire sewer system. The skrivett pus, which smells like raw sewage in its natural state went everywhere, including the ceiling of the bathrooms.

I'm sure you can imagine, Principle Tinklebunn blew a gasket.

Literally, she shrieked until all the windows in the entire school and surrounding community shattered. Need I mention she is a fairy of the warrior caste? To be very specific she is a siren.

Even with so much damage, with the proper fairy made solvent, it shouldn't take the remainder of the summer to clean up the mess.

Well, you wouldn't think so, but the only one who can create a counter chemical to destroy the super glue is Samuel Nippers, the fairy who created the stink bombs. He is a Master Class within his caste and has refused to create a solvent that would disolve the super glue.

I've heard it without the solvent it will take weeks to dislodge the crap from the sewer system, clean the skrivett pus off the walls, and replace all of the windows.