Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Gnome's Revenge!

Ozark Valley: Branson, Missouri

The school year is about to start! Of course, a trip to the mall is an absolute must as teens search for that perfect outfit and accessories.

Like my best friend Kerry, parents are scrambling with last minute emergencies. I think Kerry does a grand job. She hands her daughter a visa debit card with a certain amount on it then takes Angela and her friends to the mall of the girl's choice.

Let me back up, before I tell you Angela's grand adventure, um catastrophe. - Yes, for a sixteen year old, it was a horrifying catastrophe! - You need a smidgen of background.

Angela is a vampire. She doesn’t act it, but she is gorgeous with hip-length white-blond hair and a body any movie star would kill for. She loves people. Her dark blue eyes literally sparkle when she meets a new person. As a side note, she handled the Sasquatch attack over last weekend tremendously well, much better than I did.

Anyway, she has never met a person she didn't like. She trusts everyone and lives life in a very carefree way. She'll try anything once. Her attitude is jump first, look afterwards because if you look first, you might not jump.

Poor girl might re-think jumping before looking next time.

Kerry took Angela and three of her friends to Oakland Mall in Branson, Missouri within Ozark Valley. Ozark Valley is predominately an elvish valley. The remaining twenty-five percent of the population is a mixed potpourri with vampires, dragons, fairies, and gnomes.

Oakland Mall is humongous. I mean it puts The Mall of America in the mundane world to shame. Three levels below ground and four upper levels above ground sprawl across an entire square mile. It has four motels, hundreds of restaurants and kiosks, an inside carnival, a water park that has tube rides going down the length of the mall and back, three movie theatres, a paint ball range, wyvern rides on the roof, putt-putt golf, half dozen arcades, a gateway terminal connecting dozens of valleys, and an uncountable number of retail outlets.

A family could spend their entire vacation at Oakland. The mall is a neutral spot where people from every valley are welcome to visit, no matter their race or political affiliation, without fear of attack. The mall guards deal with any attack swiftly and with severe penalties, including missing body parts, a silver collar, and hung by culprit's ankles in the courtyard.

Back to the story!

Angela's first mistake was visiting Maurice's Fairy Emporium.

Maurice's is a chain of fairy owned retail shops that carry a wide variety of beauty products, anything and everything imaginable is available. Do you want to have natural blue blushing cheeks, pink eyelashes, or glow-in-the-dark skin? Visit Maurice's and you'll find a fairy made product that will do exactly what you want.

Wait! That 'wait' is a major warning. Please, be sure to read the fine print on every single container even if they look identical.

Angela walked into Maurice's, exclaiming it was an awesome store. Never one to mix words, she voiced her disappointment when the clerk was a gnome and not a fairy like all the T.V. ads showed.

Well, that went over like a ton of bricks.

She told the shop clerk, a wrinkly faced gnome, she wanted to dye her hair to match the school colors. She's the newest member of the cheerleading team and wanted to make a great impression. Her words, not mine.

However, I'm sure she meant a great impression on the male half of the school body.

Her idea was actually great. She wanted a dye that she could wash in and then rinse out after each game. Too bad, she made the little gnome mad at her.

After she bought the dye, Angela and her cohorts went straight to the bathroom. The silver dye was a foam formula that rubbed into dry hair. The additional blue streaks were to be combed into the hair within five minutes of applying the base color.

Never trust a gnome that you've made angry. They are vindictive little people with a heart of mischief, a very dangerous combination.

The fine print on the bottle stated that the dry foam, unlike the liquid that had to be rinsed, was not to be used on a vampire.

They didn't read the instructions, covering Angela's hair in dry foam and rubbing it in.

At first, her scalp tingled.

Her friends added an inch-wide blue streak that curled around her face.

The tingling sensation began to itch.

Her hair turned silver, the streak of vivid blue intensified the color of her eyes. Looking in the mirror, she tentatively touched her hair in awe.

She grinned, eagerly combing her fingers through the silky strands. A huge chunk of hair came out! Paralyzed, she watched as the shiny silver strands slid through her fingers and floated to the floor.

Angela shrieked louder than a Sasquatch on a hunt.

Her friends jumped back as if she was contagious and stared in mounting horror.

Angela smoothed her hands over her head as if trying to keep it in place. Swaths of hair fell out. Suddenly, all at once, her remaining hair fell out. She stood, jaw dropped staring at her utterly baldhead in the mirror.

By the time her mom arrived, the other girls had gone after the gnome leaving Angela hiding in a bathroom stall. The gnome had disappeared without a trace. 

Until next time - Jodie B. Cooper


  1. I just love your stories, Jodie. They make me smile. :)
    Dropped by to say "hi" and that I gave you an award! Yay!

  2. Poor Angela, but really, everyone knows you don't trust a gnome that you've just insulted. That is just common knowledge.

  3. @ Cameo Renae - Thank you!

    @ loves to dive - That is so true!!


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