Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Gnomes & Stink Bombs

Clan Valley

Warning! If you have a weak stomach stop reading right now.

Clan Valley High School has canceled summer school.

I know, it sounds insane. Right? Half the summer semester is already over with so canceling summer school seemed very odd to me. I called around and found out the true reason.

With the influx of gnomes into Clan Valley the school board insisted all gnomes under the age of eighteen must attend school. For those of you who don't know, Clan Valley is primarily a vampire valley. The transition has not been easy for gnomes or vampires.

Well, the gnomes – generally speaking they are three-feet tall with wrinkly skin like a Shar Pei and have brilliant red fuzzy hair that's about an inch long – refused to comply with the mandate.

Everyone knows gnomes are notorious pranksters so their response shouldn't have surprised anyone.

Gnomes taped the official mandate to the school doors, marked 'no' across the paper in bold red ink, and then flushed a fairy made stink bomb down every commode on school property.

Mundanes have no clue how bad a fairy made stink bomb smells.

Honestly, fairies – especially those from the artist caste – can create just about anything by utilizing their talent to manipulate synth energy, including changing normal attributes of certain objects. Today, the object in question was super glue. What they did was 'scientifically' impossible, but you must remember we are talking about fairies. They tend to warp scientific theory out of shape until it's unrecognizable.

The stink bombs were comprised of super glue, cow manure, rabbit manure, and skrivett pus. (A skrivett is a pus covered rodent.) The compressed bomb went down the pipes and exploded, spreading chunks of manure through-out the entire sewage system. No, it did not dissolve.

When the synth enhanced super glue touched the interior plastic wall of the pipes, it activated and expanded, sticking cow manure and pebble sized rabbit pellets throughout the entire sewer system. The skrivett pus, which smells like raw sewage in its natural state went everywhere, including the ceiling of the bathrooms.

I'm sure you can imagine, Principle Tinklebunn blew a gasket.

Literally, she shrieked until all the windows in the entire school and surrounding community shattered. Need I mention she is a fairy of the warrior caste? To be very specific she is a siren.

Even with so much damage, with the proper fairy made solvent, it shouldn't take the remainder of the summer to clean up the mess.

Well, you wouldn't think so, but the only one who can create a counter chemical to destroy the super glue is Samuel Nippers, the fairy who created the stink bombs. He is a Master Class within his caste and has refused to create a solvent that would disolve the super glue.

I've heard it without the solvent it will take weeks to dislodge the crap from the sewer system, clean the skrivett pus off the walls, and replace all of the windows.

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